Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Mom Guilt

Ella is heading off to her second day of school today...and the first day that Jason has to get her there before heading to work. Since I go to work at 3:30 am, the mornings are Daddy Daycare. Ella and Jason have breakfast together, a little playtime and usually a morning walk with Tucker before our babysitter comes for a few hours. Jason is a pro by now...managing to get it all done and get himself out the door (most days on time!)

Ella and me at the Tulip Festival Mother's Day weekend

In an effort to keep Ella out of daycare, we have both worked some crazy schedules in order to be home with Ella as much as possible. At times, this has been stressful and quite a juggling act, but in the long run WELL WORTH IT. We make a pretty good team and seem to have our routines down to a science (after two years!). I have no doubt that Jason and Ella will be just fine getting out the door to school and work on time. But...I am sitting in the live truck this morning, thinking about what THIS morning will be like. I left Ella's clothes out, her shoes are at the door and we even had a crash course on hair with daddy last night. Everything will go smoothly and it's nothing Jason can't handle. Still, I am sad that I can't be there to be the one helping get her ready. My mom was always home with us and the one to get us out the door to school. I guess it's more of that "mom guilt" that creeps in every so often. Every working mom makes sacrafices. I get up early and choose to work the am shift so that I can be home in the afternoon with Ella. I get to pick her up from school. I take her to swimming. I can play all afternoon and I can put her to bed. I am really only gone for a few hours in the morning. I can't complain considering I could be working all day or even all night. It's never enough though. It's a balance that I will never be satisfied with.

This is "guilt" I will have to live with....at least until I win the lottery or find a way to clone myself. For now, I will just wait for my phone call this morning from Jason saying all went well (secretly, I can't wait to see how he does with her hair ;-) haha!) and by 1:00 HOPEFULLY my guilt will be tucked neatly away in the back of my mind again when I see Ella's smiling face and hear all about her day at school.

Family photo...LOVE xxoo

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