Celebrating Jess

How do you explain to an almost three year old what today is? How do you tell her that someone who loved her so much is not with us?

Today would have been Auntie Jessica's 29th birthday. It was a day filled with a lot of emotion...tears, memories. A day we have been thinking about since January 15th when Jessica became our angel. Jason and I have spent so much time talking about how important it is for us to share our memories of Jess with Ella and now Avery. We want them to grow up knowing how special their Aunt was...how much Jessica ADORED Ella and how excited she was for a new niece. It is not fair that she is not here today, not here this week to share the news of a new baby, not here to enjoy new memories with.

Jason and I wanted today to be more than just tears though, so we planned to celebrate Jess. Ella helped me make cupcakes.

We frosted them pink and yellow (Jess's favorite colors). Each girl got a rose and we wrote messages on balloons to send up to heaven.

It's a new tradition we plan to carry on every May 31st. As the girls grow, we hope to be able to share with them our memories of Jess and make them feel like she is always with us. Our girls have the best guardian angel their is. We promise to raise them with the kindness, feisty attitude, and love that Jess taught us all.

Happy Birthday Jessica. You are missed so much every day. We love you...always in our hearts!

What a difference....

The weather was beautiful this weekend and we had a few things we wanted to do....enjoy lots of time outside, and pack in lots of family time. The count down is on to baby, so we are soaking in every moment we can before things get a little crazy ;-)

We made an impromtu trip to Hoffman's Playland on Saturday. It's a small amusement park for little kids not far from our house. We have been once before -- last summer at the urging of Michelle (Ella's speech therapist). What a difference a year makes (less than a year actually!). Ella was SOOO excited to see the rides.

I literally had to hold on to her before
she busted down the gates to get on a ride!

She was so impatient just waiting in line for tickets and had to be the first on the rides. During our first trip last year, she was certainly happy, but pretty passive about everything. She smiled on the rides and seemed to enjoy it. I KNOW she enjoyed this trip.

Look Mom, I can fly!

As fast as one ride ended, it was on to the next one and she just kept asking us for "more, more". She drove her boat as fast as she could and bravely hopped on the plane ride....flying solo. The smile on her face is an image that means so much to Jason and me.

We are so lucky to have such a happy girl in our lives. Where she is today and the things she is doing are honestly something I always hoped for, but I must admit that in some of those low moments and days when everything seemed to be going wrong, I had doubts.

I remember right around this time last year, wondering, hoping, praying she would walk. Today she not only walks, she runs, climbs and jumps! She knows her colors and letters and animals and is starting to talk much clearer. It is truly amazing! She wants to badly to exert her independence and has sparked quite an attitude. I even said to Jason just yesterday (as Ella was emptying the water cooler for what seemed like the 20th time), remember asking for this trouble?!

Things are certainly going to get interesting as we welcome the new baby. We have already caught Ella "hanging out" in the bassinet in the baby's room and very curious about the crib coming back and the little diapers set up. I think after a little adjusting, she will do just fine. She is such an easy going kid and she loves to be a helper, which is exactly the role I see her taking on when the baby needs to eat or be changed. Two weeks (or less) and counting. June 6th will be here before we know it....can't wait!

The Traveling Tapp's

In just a few hours, we are packing up the car and hitting the road for Boston. It's a trip we make all the time. This trip is a little different though. It will be the last time we will drive down I-90 east before the baby is born!

 I remember the first trip back to Woburn we made with Ella.


Ella's first trip to Woburn...and her first meeting
with her Great Grandmother!

It's only a two and a half hour drive and we stay at my parent's house, so it shouldn't be a big deal, but I think it took me two days to pack and prepare for that trip. Ella was only a few weeks old and just getting out the door to run an errand was a major ordeal. It's funny how times have changed and we have it down to a science now. I am sure adding another little person to the mix will shake up the routine all over again (expect to see a return of the Tapp train wreck, Mom!)

This trip, while it's significant in that it's our last before we are a foursome...is also an important visit to Boston Children's hospital for Ella. We have a follow-up appointment with the genetic endocrinologist that we met in January. She would like to see Ella every four months and actually has lab work done every month (thankfully that can be done in Albany). Our experiences with Dr. Holm have been very good up to this point. She calls to check in every month and update me on the results of Ella's lab work. I am anxious for today's appointment because it's the first time Dr. Holm will see a healthy Ella. Our last visit was the day Ella was discharged from Children's after the pneumonia. She was still a very sick little girl and had lost a lot of weight. At the time, there were no changes made to her medications...and there still haven't been any. This has proven to be a good thing. In the last four months, Ella continues to make so much progress. She is a lot more coordinated. She has a great appetite. She has been able to fight off little colds and viruses much better and her speech has improved significantly. However, we are well aware that it's a delicate balancing act and we can expect to have some tweaks to her doses along the way.

It will no doubt be a stressful day (doctors visits like this always are...no matter how many times you do it), but it will be a day that I will remind myself constantly to enjoy. I have to appreciate how lucky we are...to have such a happy little girl, to be able to make the drive to world class hospital, and of course, to be lucky enough to be getting ready to welcome another lovely lady into our lives. Today's little moments become tomorrow's precious memories :-)

First Things First

Well I have been a very neglectful blogger in recent weeks...I could come up with million and one reason's why, but there is really no good excuse. I have certainly thought about writing. I have wanted to write. I have even had time to write, but for some reason I found a way not to. I am not sure what I am avoiding. Ella is doing really, really well. In fact, life is really good! Perhaps it's my subconscious mind really just wanting to keep the good chi that has been surrounding us recently.

Ella on the plane with Jason!

There is so much to share and a lot to smile about. We are about six weeks away from going from a family of three to a family of four. While that is exciting in itself, it's really just the icing on the cake. We have had the chance to enjoy so many "firsts" as a family recently....like Ella's first plane ride. It's a big moment for any kid, and Ella will always be able to share a special story when it comes to her first flight. We went to Tampa at the beginning of April for the Frozen Four. Union's awesome season concluded with a trip to the National tournament. This was such a huge moment for Jason's career and one that Ella and I did not want to miss. This was his first trip to the tournament and it happened in his first season as a full time assistant with Union! (I told you we had a lot of "firsts"!)

 Ella was such a great traveler. She wasn't phased at all by the plane and behaved so well throughout the entire trip. I was able to get time away from work....by agreeing to work while I was there. I sent back stories every day and even did live shots the day of the game.

Game day live shot!

It was so much fun to be able to cover such a great moment. We also even had some time to spend with our dear friends, The Taylor's who just happened to be in Tampa on spring break the same week. We snuck in some beach time and a few dinners. It was the perfect treat!

Ella and Samantha at the beach :-)

We've even had a moderate break from doctors and therapies and everything else. It has been a welcome break...and one that seems to have refreshed all of us. Between traveling, holidays, and school vacations, we have been off more than on with appointments, but it hasn't set us back which is a huge bonus for Ella. It's a great indication of how strong she is getting and how much she is catching up. Ella only has a few months left before she transitions into the preschool program. We are back on schedule now and ready to get the most out of her final summer in the EI program. Her paperwork and preliminary transition plan are set. Preschool here we come in September!

The recent weeks following the end of the hockey season have provided some wonderful family time. It is great to have Jason home more to soak up every minute we have before life becomes (blissfully) hectic with a new baby. Ella continues to surprise us every day with a new word or a new dance move. She is such a happy girl. I can't wait to see how she adjusts to being a big sister!

Miss Independent!

Ella is Miss Independent these days. She wants to do everything on her own...and we are loving it! This burst of self sufficiency couldn't come at a better time with her sister's arrival quickly approaching.

Her latest adventure is the stairs. My dad was visiting this weekend and was nice enough to install a hand rail that is the perfect height for Ella. Her school has little hand rails everywhere and I noticed picking her up every afternoon how happy she is to be able to walk down the stairs on her own. After talking with her PT's Jen and Linda (at great length), we decided to go for it and put up our own railing. It has been a great success! She goes up and down the stairs with a lot more confidence now. She still needs a little support by holding our hand, but it's certainly more of a security blanket at this point. In just the week that it has been up, she is noticeably stronger too. All that work on the stairs is making her skinny little legs a little more powerful!

Next up for the little girl who wants to do it all: POTTY TRAINING! We have "introduced" the potty a little here and and there (just not consistently) and she LOVES to flush the toilet (we call her the phantom flusher), I just have to get serious now about getting rid of the diapers!

Daddy Days

The shirt says it all...and the feeling
is mutual!

 Ella is OBSESSED with her dad. She is clung to him like glue when he is home and calling and looking for him when he is away. Every time the phone rings she yells "dadda, dadda". This is really no surprise and nothing new. Ella and Jason have had a very close bond since day 1. He was with her around the clock in the NICU and was a very hands-on father right from the start. It seems that affection is even greater...especially lately. She runs into our room at 5am and begs for him to let her snuggle in (which he of course obliges, every time). She can't get enough of her dadda!

This is a wonderful problem to have, however the temper tantrums that happen when Jason is not available for her every need have grown into outrageous meltdowns. There is full out crying, tears, foot stomping, snorting, and at times a fall to the ground where the fist pounding continues. So far these meltdowns have only happened at home. I can only imagine how the first public outcry will go. I understand temper tantrums come with being a toddler...a right of passage of sorts. My problem is how to curb the tantrums, especially since this is probably the busiest time in the season for Jason. He will no doubt have many late nights this week as the team prepares for the first round of playoffs. Then the intensity of practice and planning only escalates the better the team does (of course we hope they WIN WIN WIN). How am I going to get through the next few weeks of tantrums...cardboard cutouts, recorded messages from Jason, etc??

Jason goes out of his way and above and beyond to spend every minute he can with Ella. He is also still the one getting her dressed, fed and out the door in the morning. He is also home for bedtime most nights and gets to tuck her in.  So they are certainly spending time together every day. The ironic part of this most recent cling-on behavior comes at a time when Jason has been traveling a bit less. He has made plenty of day trips, but that is no different than a regular work day. He hasn't had any long stretches away since January.

What is very clear though is I do not completely cut it in Ella's world these days. I am good for the basics, but I am clearly not her father, so no matter how fun I can make her day...at the end she still needs her #1. Hopefully her love will remain strong, but her obsession will taper off (quickly). Hockey season has the potential to last until April 7th!!!

Happy March!

Happy March!

Wow! March is already here...this year is flying by. Only a few more months until our family gets a little bigger. We have been as busy as ever with the end of hockey season, a move into a bigger town house, and getting ready for baby, on top of all of our regular activities.

March for Babies 2012 Kick-Off breakfast.

This morning I had the privilege of being the MC at the annual March for Babies kick-off breakfast. This is the second year I have been invited to the breakfast. This year's walk is in April and the goal is to raise $515,000 regionally. Jason and I haven't walked yet, but hope to be out there this year! Project: Cameron's story has put together a team of walkers and since we have become involved with the annual book drive...it just seems appropriate to walk with their team!

Oh and speaking of the book drive....the totals are in and we surpassed the goal of 2400 books. This year Project: Cameron's story will donate 2,456 books to local NICU's. Yay!

Covered in stickers...and loving it!

Finally, I am so happy to report that Ella is doing great. She has just grown leaps and bounds since she is feeling better. She is definitely growing out of all her clothes and shoes. Her vocabulary...and personality is growing too. She is a pretty funny little girl. I love hearing her talk and TELL me what she wants now. The challenge is just working on having a little patience (for both of us!).

As I continue to be amazed every day by the accomplishments Ella has made, I have also found myself thinking just as much about what her sister will be like....who she will look like, what her personality will be, how will Ella react?? Will I celebrate the new babies every moment as much as I have all of Ella's "firsts"? Just three months left until the big day! We can't wait....now if we could just agree on a name ;-)