One more year...

Ella is back in the full swing of the school routine. Jason and I (nervously) dropped her off for pre-k last week. She only has one more year before Kindergarten! She is still going to the same school, just a different classroom this year. It was a decision we went back and forth on for quite some time. She was eligible to start pre-k in our local school district. It's an integrated program and she would be the same school she will attend kindergarten. The option was appealing, but in the end we decided the 22 kid classroom was still a bit too big for Ella. Her new classroom is half the size with just 11 kids. She will still get her PT, OT and speech as well as that extra attention she needs to accomplish her goals.

This is a big year. She has lots of work to do to get ready for Kindergarten. When I met her new teachers, they made it very clear they will do EVERYTHING to make sure she will be ready for the transition. They were confident in their classroom. It was reassuring and terrifying. Following my instinct though, I knew at that moment we were making the right decision. I feel like the pressure is on! Of course, I know Ella doesn't feel this pressure. She is just happy to be back at school and having fun with old and new friends. Jason and I feel the pressure though. We know what is at stake. We want so desperately for Ella to go to kindergarten in a regular classroom and not feel overwhelmed or out of place. She has work to do with her language especially. A year can change a lot....we have seen it time and time again. We are following a bit of an unbeaten path still with Ella, so apprehension certainly sneaks in.

Ella was so happy to get back to school last week but for the first time I saw her get a little uneasy. She wasn't upset and didn't cling to Jason and me, she was just a little more cautious than we are used to seeing her. She was confused not to go to her old classroom. I am sure she felt a little at ease though after a hug from her new teacher.

I walked out nervous for her. I suppose every Mom is nervous for their kids at some point. I spent the entire morning thinking about what she was doing and if she liked her new teachers. I even texted Jason (a lot). He gently reminded me, "she's fine, she's the mayor" (referring to Ella's outgoing personality). I knew despite his calm responses, he was nervous too. I always call him at pick up, on this day I don't even think the phone rang once before he picked up saying, "how did she do?" Crazy parents! I arrived to a very happy girl who seemed like she had been there for weeks. She didn't want to come home. Her teachers say she is doing great and she is fitting in well.

I am learning to let go a little more. I still can't think about kindergarten drop off next year. (Pictures of friends kids make me well up!) It's a good thing I have a year to prepare myself. I am proud of Ella and excited for her future, I just wish time did go so quickly. Time will tell what her kindergarten year will look like. I must remind myself to take a step back and live in the moment.

Don't Doubt Ella (EVER!)

Ella and Avery walking the beach!

 

 

 I am a little late with this post. I guess you could say it took a few weeks to recover from the vacation hangover! We had a lovely week in Hilton Head this year. It was the first time we took a family vacation since Avery was born. It was a great week filled with the beach, sun, biking, golf and lots of good food. This was not only our first "family vacation", it was also Avery's first plane ride and the girls first real beach excursion. I have been going to Hilton Head with my family since I was a child. I couldn't wait to share this special place with my own children. I went into the week so excited for them...figuring every kid LOVES the beach. I had visions of building sand castles, splashing in the waves and walking the shoreline for hours on end to collect shells and other treasures. Needless to say this was not exactly our experience. Avery loved the water and running around. We came home with lots of shells and overall we made many happy memories.

Ella, however, was not a huge fan of the beach. The sand on her feet sent her into a tizzy and the ocean (specifically the tide and waves rolling in and out) was terrifying to her. Every time we felt progress was being made, she would revert back to tears. "All done, all done", she would yell as the water moved closer. Those first few afternoons on the beach were long. I felt badly for her and we tried everything we could think of to get her to relax and enjoy herself.

Since this was our first trip together as a family, I REALLY wanted to have some pictures taken on the beach. I wanted to capture this special time in our lives and these wonderful ages that the girls are at. Months before we arrived, I scheduled a photographer to meet us at the beach. Once we were in Hilton Head, I began to panic and even contemplated cancelling the shoot. Ella's beach woes were stressful. I had visions of her completely freaking out, crying and refusing to cooperate. As much as I had wanted the pictures, I also didn't want the drama to ruin a great week.

 I was quickly put in my place the night of the shoot. I was reminded (as I have been sooo many times), don't ever doubt Ella. She came through with flying colors the night of the pictures. Both girls looked beautiful. Ella smiled so brightly and never once let the sand or ocean bother her. I was humbled by my 4 year old once again. The night was extra special. I got my family pictures and I was also reminded of how fortunate I really am.

Hilton Head Island, 2013

Good Talking

Ya, Help, Stuck, Buh-bye...

Avery is talking! She is a bold 14 month old with a mind of her own and no problem expressing herself. This is a totally new experience for Jason and me. Like so many other milestones, the words just come so easy for Aves. Almost every day she has a new word. Ella has taken notice too. She even praises her sister. The other day in the car I just had to laugh when Ella burst out with, "good talking Aves!". Ella must hear me and so many other people (Jason, Jess, Renee, Erin, etc) say this all the time to her. I am almost hyper focused on every aspect of Ella's speech. When she has a new phrase or says something a little clearer, I am sure to let her know. She is really stepping up her game too. Five and six word sentences, asking questions and even expressing her own feelings are just some of the huge accomplishments we are celebrating these days.

Paging Dr. Tapp!

It seems like we have all the right ingredients. Ella has patient and consistent teachers. She has very good peer models. Her buddy Alesia has been by her side in the classroom since last September. If you didn't know better, you may think Alesia was a six year old with the vocabulary she has. It's a great example for Ella. Another wonderful model is my niece and Ella's BFF Lucy. They are 17 months apart and closer than I could have ever hoped for. Lucy is a chatterbox and a leader. She is always encouraging Ella. It's adorable. Perhaps the best motivator for Ella is her sister. It's been with Avery's new language that we have truly seen a difference in Ella. Her slow and steady progress which at times seemed tedious and plateaued has been amped up by a need to out-talk Avery. She is cementing her spot as the big sister and raising her voice in the matter!

I LOVE to hear the chatter in the backseat of the car. My day is made when Ella asks me "whatcha doin Mamma?". Her words are clearer, her sentences are longer and her world has opened up just a little bit more. I hope it continues. I hope this healthy competition stays just that. I never want either girl to feel burdened by the other. They may not know how good they are for one another now, but some day in the future I hope each realizes the value of their sister. 

So Happy!

I think it is safe to say that Ella and Avery are enjoying their summer. I know Ella is. She has become a little fish in the water. She lives to go swimming every day. Luckily we have a pool in our complex and my parents have a pool as well. She wakes up thinking about and asking to go swimming and spends hours in the pool. She is so much more independent in the water this year. The other day we were swimming and she just kept saying, "I so happy!" I was so excited. Not only do I love that she is such a happy kid, I love HEARING her tell me those words. Her vocabulary and spontaneous language has grown so much in the past few months. It still catches me off guard. It has been a lot of hard work, daily speech therapy and endless repetition, but we are finally seeing the progress we have been longing for. Everything from the longer sentences, to clearer words, to expressing her emotions has finally begun to emerge.

It is really special to hear your child speak to you. There is something about being able to have a little conversation with her that changes our relationship. Of course this is all part of watching your child grow. I know every parent goes through this feeling in some way or another. I think waiting a little longer for the chance to have these two-way conversations with Ella is extra special for me. I celebrate every milestone she reaches, but this is a big one. We have waited a long time to see significant progress in speech. I feel like I have more confidence now moving forward as we get ready for pre-k in the fall. I never doubt Ella. I have huge expectations for her, but it's funny how one small sentence can provide so much reassurance. I so happy.

Shake Your Tail Feather!

June 15, 2013 - Ella's first dance recital!

Happy Birthday Ella!

Dear Ella,

Four years ago on a stormy Monday night you gave your father and me the best titles we could ever ask for...Mom and Dad.

I can't believe how fast the time has passed and now the birthday countdown we have been talking about for weeks is over...you are 4! I love how proud you are to tell me your age and show me with your four fingers. You have had a HUGE year. You have grown into a beautiful, smart, happy, loving, girl. Today you will perform in your first ballet recital. You have worked so hard all year practicing your dance and following your teachers directions. You don't even have to take the stage yet for Daddy and me to know that you are our star.

Four years ago, "they" told me you might not be able to do this or that. I am sure the doctors and specialists who analyzed samples in a lab and scoured medical text books for answers NEVER thought you would be on stage on this day. In fact, just walking and talking and doing lots of things four year olds do didn't seem in the realm of possibility if you asked them then. Boy were "they" wrong.

First dance recital, June 15, 2013

This year you have accomplished so much. I love to see you run down the hallways at school, skip across our living room and TELL ME  you love me. You have excelled in your pre-school class (thanks to some outstanding teachers and therapists). You're a terrific big sister (even when Aves is pulling your hair and stealing your toys). You surprise us every day with new words and sentences and an awareness of the world around you that is so fresh, innocent and exciting. May you always keep this trait.

We have been reading "If I Could Keep You Little" at bedtime lately. I cherish these moments with you...snuggling in your new big girl bed and reading the story over and over. I know that I can not keep you little and I know there are even more fun times ahead., but some times I would love to slow down time just a bit or freeze an extra special moment to re-live over and over. I can't wait to see what this year brings. Happy Birthday to my amazing little Pnut!

Love,
Mom and Dad

"If I could keep you little, I'd keep you close to me. But then I'd miss you growing into who you're meant to be."

Skip To My Lou

       



I can hardly believe that Ella's weekly ballet classes are winding down. Her big recital actually falls on her 4th birthday. What an exciting day! It seems like just yesterday that I brought her to her first class. That day that I couldn't even watch the whole 45 minutes without a break to cry in the bathroom. We have come so, so far from that first day....both Ella and I. I really enjoy getting to see her development and meet the moms in the class. Ella has learned a lot and I have seen her get a lot stronger. It has turned into a very nice group and I am sad to see it come to an end for the summer.  Ella also seems to enjoy class every week. She always smiles and she has met some very sweet little girls. She is not the most coordinated or graceful. Many times she can't do as much as the other kids, but she always gives it her all. 

This week in class the girls were learning  to skip and sashay. Many of the moves take quite a bit of coordination...something Ella lacks. She couldn't really do it. You would never know by looking at her face. She smiled from ear to ear, giggled with the other girls and proudly waved to me as she walk/ran/slid/hopped across the floor. She poured her heart into it, gave it her all. She was blissfully unaware of any difference. In fact, not one other little girl seemed to think Ella was any different. My heart melted. Isn't that what it's all about? Giving your all and feeling good about yourself. At least when you are almost 4, that should be what it's all about. 

The whole night has me thinking a lot. First and foremost, I am grateful. When we were given Ella's genetic diagnosis in the NICU, it was devastating. The genetic councilor had horrible bedside manner and coldly and scientifically delivered the worst news Jason and I had ever heard. The words mentally retarded still haunt me. I guess any genetic disorder has quite a  wide range of severity in its features but I feel like chromosome 18p deletion must top them all.  This genetic condition that Ella has ranges from being normal to having brain structure abnormalities so bad that the baby would be born with one eye.  Ella has two beautiful eyes. :-) She might not be able to skip yet, but SHE WILL. She will do so much more and I promise to be there to cheer her on every step of the way. In a few weeks, Jason and I will be front and center at the recital. We will be the proudest parents in that crowd as we watch her perform. I don't care if she misses a beat or even stands there and only smiles for the three minute performance. Just being on that stage she has far proven that geneticists and scientist don't really have all the answers.